parenting is for the grown ups

I had to post a picture, so you could see he really is a cuty!




I was in a Bible study last fall/spring that was amazing. I attend anything this woman teaches, she is annointed not only in getting deep, but she has a gift for witty humor and keeping us all laughing while sticking us with the truth!

The last study was "Free to be a joyful mother" I couldn't even begin to tell you the depth of the study and all I learned but basically it has taught me many things I have never learned before. Allowing your children to fail and learn from their mistakes! Sure I have heard that before, but then we always follow it up with, "Remember son, I said don't do that because...... blah blah blah blah...that is about all they really hear when we go into one of our parental lectures!

What are the best teachers?

MODELING ~ our children will follow our example
EXPERIENCE ~ when we allow them to fail natural consequences will teach them not to do it again; when have we learned our best lessons? when we have failed.
She used the example of Adam and Eve in the garden and how God put the tree RIGHT smack dab in the middle, he didn't pull it up out of reach or put it way off where they wouldn't see it. He also only told them once not to eat from it! He never reminded them of the consequence that would follow for such a decision, even though it was life altering not only for them but for every generation to follow!

We also went over how to give more decisions (age appropriate) so our children learn how to problem solve and be independant of us, our ultimate goal! They also need to learn to make decisions for themselves so it is their choice, they own the decision as well as the consequence if necessary. This alleviates a lot of frustration for parents. Because instead of changing the focus from their choice to our yelling or lecturing (whatever your bent) our attitude now can be one of empathy...
EXAMPLE "Rats! I know how much you wanted to go and play at your friends house tonight I am so sorry, but because you chose to talk back you can't go now."
KIDS may think "WOW where is my mother, the one who usually yells or lectures me about how you should never talk to anyone that way, it was so disrespectful, and what would God think about that..? Again...BLAH BLAH BLAH....

WHAT SPEAKS?????? CONSEQUENCES, much louder than our yelling or lectures. Also, teaching them right and wrong when it is not in the midst of a battle. Lessons should be taught when you are just talking together, reading bible stories....I was thinking about this one day and since God didn't lecture Adam and Eve how was He teaching them right and wrong, well He was the perfect example, but mainly He was walking with them...EVERYDAY!!! We need to "walk and talk" with our children. That may be in the car, at night before bed....
So I have really tried to work on giving up the lectures, trying to say "rats" a lot more when they make a poor choice.....Of course as we all do, I fail time and again...

So for my TODAY story ~ Sorry for giving you so many stories about my 3rd child, but he was made for stories LOL!!!

I have asked him for 2 days now to pick up his underwear that he took off and left laying on the floor. He said no to me many times, and I kept forgetting to make sure it got done. This morning I noticed they were still laying in the same spot, so I said
"Kai, you need to go and pick up your underwear, we are not going to the park until you put them away!"

I was sitting on the floor, and about to put my other son's shoes on, so after I was done giving Kai his "ultimatum" or choice if you will, I truned to put Brayden's shoes on....tyhen out of the blue I felt a .........
WHACK!!!!! right across my face.....Oh my son had picked up the underwear alright, but on his way out of the room he was going to have the "last word" he swung that underwear as he walked by me and slapped them across my face.

This is where my parenting class' went out the window

I turned so fast and swatted his bottom he didn't know what was coming! Yeah you think your gonna get the last word, not if I can help it....HA HA Of course I didn't say that, and I immediately knew I should have taken him calmy and given out a firm yet loving spanking....but after all

"God was a PERFECT parent and His children still fail!"

Pam Thompson

That was the point she left us with at the end of a study after teaching about Adam and Eve, and what a point it is! It doesn't mean we give up discipline, hardly, God delivered a punishment for them, as well as us, after that poor choice, but He also allowed them to make the choice. He didn't intervene when Satan was conversing with Eve and He didn't come to them after in harsh judgment and say "I told you not to, now you and everyone else will suffer forever and my Son will have to die all because of you!" No! He came to them with questions and EMPATHY. He had already laid before the them the consequence so He merely delivered it closed the door to the garden. Hard yes...but He also gave them a second chance at life! It was different, but He again gave them choices and freedom, as well as responsibility!!! A second chance!!! GRACE!!!!