My life is not my own!

My life is not my own!

A quote I often find myself wondering if I know what it means? Do I understand what HE meant when He told us to "Take up your cross daily, deny yourself and follow Me." I typically want to go down the easier, more convenient, more traveled road.....The path He has for us is seldom easy or everyone would be on it. Yet don't we find ourselves saying..."I could never do that; I do not have the patience, the ability,...." I know I often think I could never do ......whatever it is.....I seem to recall a Giant of the Bible saying the same thing...

"Please Lord I have never been eloquent, neither recently nor in time past, nor since You have spoken to Your servant; for I am slow of speach and slow of tongue." The Lord said to him, "Who has made man's mouth? ....Is it not I the Lord?" Now then I, even I, will be with your mouth, and teach you what you are to say." Exodus 4:10-12

That is such a reminder that I have nothing to offer. It is arrogant to think I can do anything...."Apart from You I can do NOTHING!" And yet.... With Him we can do anything. I am not referring to fete's of strength. That if we say we can move a house we can, or if we believe hard enough we can have money, a better job, a child, family.....!

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me..." refers not to, I can do or have anything I want! Too many people misintepret that verse and read it out of context. The context it was written in is that in all circumstances I am content. I can live with much I can live with nothing, because He gives me the strength to suffer through ALL things!

2 Cor 12:9 "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness. So I boast in my weakness so that the powere of Christ may dwell in me."

We have enjoyed 2 years of Casey attending Second Baptist School, a great Christian private and college prep school. We are pleased with all aspects of the school and really enjoyed our children being a part of it, it felt like a family. Casey is a great student and attending school we saw him blossom even more. We were so excited this year because Brayden had testing and was accepted so it is his first year for Kindergarten. He is so excited about learning and very pumped about going to Second.

Oh how the Lord changes OUR plans. We thought we had it lined up! When we discovered the cost this year for both of them even after our discount and financial aid we realized this was not the plan. We have some financial goals that we are working towards.....we payed our car off last year and this year we are paying off a 2nd mortgage. With this goal Private school did not fit in.

AMAZINGLY.....I was at peace upon the first realization. Last year would have been different. I had a newborn and a VERY 2 year old! But this year I felt....sensed... knew ....God was calling us to something different......

HOMESCHOOLING! A sacrifice of myself and an investment into my children. A time to look past only my comfort and desires and instead how do you want me to invest and impart in the children You have blessed me with before the time is lost.

I knew then He had been preparing me for this decision several months prior without me knowing. He had been impressing a need to spend more time with Casey, because he was gone so much with school. I can never get these days or minutes back! When do I have time to invest in him? How do I get to know my children when they are not here? With Casey at school from 7:30 - 3:20 when was there time for me. Our days went something like this.....

I clean laundry all day......, wash dishes all day....change diapers all day.....give give give all day.....I pick Casey up and most of "my good side" is gone, has been used up between 3 other needy kids! We get home I need to change another diaper get a couple of kids down for a nap....start dinner.......BEDTIME! WOW where did my day go? What did Casey get........my leftovers.....not my best! It seemed that everywhere I turned a speaker a sermon was talking to me. Giving investing in my children. Making the most of each moment because the days are long but the years are short. A day will come when I will LONG for someone to walk in on me in the bathroom!

Will I know my children when they are teenagers or will I lose them.....

Someone talked about the verse "Train up a child in the way they should go, and when they are old they will not depart from it."

I had never heard this interpretation before,

They said, the way they should go is to KNOW them the bents GOd has given them (the same "know" which is used in Genesis and throughout the Bible to speak of intimacy between God and us. "He knows me intimately, He is aquainted with all my ways." Ps. 139 We have to know how God designed them to know how to direct and guide them.

So we decided that for a season God was calling us to bring our children home. I was excited about it in certain aspects. I was nervous about teaching but so excited about having my kids around, and being flexible. But also hoping it was a season....short term. Thinking they may be at Second the following year...

I tell you what....God knows what we need! He supernaturally just works and we don't see it until it hits us in the face.....We went to a friends house last week and she mentioned there was a used book sale if I wanted to check it out. I thought it would be a great time to explore my options for next year, but I did not go to purchase anything because after all I HAD NO IF IDEA what we would be doing . I was so overwhelmed at the thought of curriculum I just didn't think about it at all! I just felt that it would come soon enough I would check it out later. But at least that night I could get my feet wet!

Well here is how God works............here is my new passion, my new curriculum

Even last week I was still dreading teaching my kids....I was peaceful! But I had some fear. I wasn't sure I could do it! But when I saw this curriculum and looked through it I immediately fell in love with homeschooling. I have spent the last few days pouring over it and getting ready for next year.....I am SO excited I don't ever want to send my kids back to school. If He calls us back that direction we are open. But I am truly excited about this journey!

Isn't it like God to use such unlikely things or events to turn our hearts.....a HUGE curriculum book that looked VERY intimidating at first is now what makes me PASSIONATELY want to teach my boys!